The best Chuck Norris jokes

James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
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Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
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Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books. The words assemble themselves out of fear.
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Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
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Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb.
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Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.
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Nails wish they were as tough as Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris can check out books from the Library of Congress.
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Chuck Norris has no need to walk. The universe simply moves around him.
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When Chuck Norris eats teddy grahams, he craps out grizzly bears.
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