Chuck Norris' name is never on the guest list - because if Chuck Norris turns up, Chuck Norris gets in.
Chuck Norris doesn't fall, he merely tests the durability of the floor with his face.
Chuck Norris had his first job as a paperboy.
"There were no survivors."
When Chuck Norris works out at the gym, he doesn't sweat.
The weights do.
Chuck Norris can piss into Gale force winds.
In 1666, Chuck Norris caught the Plague.
The Plague learned its lesson, and has stayed away since then.
Chuck Norris's sign language is heard around the world.
Chuck Norris doesn't have to face the consequences, the consequences have to face Chuck Norris.
If you want to commit suicide, all you need to do is say,"Chuck Norris is a loser."
Chuck Norris was the Best Man at his own wedding.