Meteors didn't kill the dinosaurs, Chuck Norris just needed a new pair of boots.
Chuck Norris once gave a man the Hiemlich Manuever. That man still holds the record for most bones broken.
On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.
Cats are allergic to Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris always has s*x on the bottom. Because he never f*cks up.
Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
People say "bless you" when you sneeze because Chuck Norris might catch your soul. It's a myth. Chuck Norris can take your soul whenever he wants.
Chuck Norris' Facebook status has a dislike button...nobody clicks it.
Chuck Norris can check his facebook on a typewriter.
Hiroshima nagasaki was nothing but the result of chuck norris skydiving in Japan.