When God said "Let there be light!", Chuck Norris said "Only for half the day."
Chuck Norris doesn't sleep with a teddy bear. He sleeps with a real bear.
Chuck Norris was banned from going to "housewarming" parties because he kept burning them down.
No man can perfectly predict the weather, not even Chuck Norris. But the weather DOES try to predict what kind of day Chuck would like to have...
Chuck Norris knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop.
Chuck Norris doesn't cry. His eyes sweat.
Chuck Norris doesn't eat honey. He chews bees...
Chuck Norris can breath out with his nose and breath in with his mouth at the same time.
Chuck Norris had a knife thrown at him... the knife didn't impale him, he impaled the knife.
The creation of a perfect sphere became possible after Chuck Norris became enraged with a rubix cube and roundhouse kicked the corners off it.