The best Chuck Norris jokes

Chuck Norris was supposed to play the lead role in Mission: Impossible. He was replaced by Tom Cruise because the tittle wouldn't make any sense.
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If Chuck Norris were a substance, he would abuse you.
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Chuck Norris found Nemo with his eyes closed.
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Chuck Norris does not go fishing, the fish surrender.
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Two halves make a whole. Two wholes make Chuck Norris.
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The Animal Crackers that Chuck Norris eats are made from real animals.
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Moses did not part the sea. Chuck Norris accidently did while sneezing.
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Solar flares are a myth... it's really Chuck Norris' flashlight.
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Don King once had straight hair, until that day he saw Chuck Norris' eyes staring him down.
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Chuck Norris can talk with his mouth closed.
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