The best Chuck Norris jokes

When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn't Jesus birthday. Jesus was to scared to correct Chuck Norris and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus' birthday.
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Chuck Norris was in all the Star Wars movies, he played the force.
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Chuck Norris cancelled his own funeral.
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Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
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Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
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Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
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Chuck Norris knows the last number of infinity.
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The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
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Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
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