Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King and got one.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability.
Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back.
The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming.
They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack.
Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris could stab you with a worm.
Chuck Norris once taught a French Bulldog to be English.
Chuck Norris does his grocery shopping at Home Depot.
Chuck Norris doesn't climb trees.
He just pulls them down and walks on top of them.
Chuck Norris does not sleep.
He waits.