The best Chuck Norris jokes

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King and got one.
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If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'till." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
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When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
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When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn’t get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
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Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
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Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.
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Chuck Norris is a man of few words. Chuck Norris is not a man of few roundhouse kicks to the face.
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Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
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Chuck Norris doesn't drive a car he walks.
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There was once a ship that wouldn't let chuck norris on board. It is now known as titanic
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