The best Chuck Norris jokes

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
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Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
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If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'till." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
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Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.
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For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
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On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
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Chuck Norris rejects your reality and substitutes it with his fist.
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Chuck Norris used to be a soccer referee. He lost the job after giving penalties to the players: Death Penalty.
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Chuck Norris won the World Series of Poker using Pokemon cards.
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Chuck Norris does not masturbate, because there is no greater pleasure than being Chuck Norris.
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