Chuck Norris doesn’t shave; he kicks himself in the face.
The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris inhales carbon monoxide and exhales oxygen.
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Chuck Norris doesn't wear a wristwatch.
He always knows when it's time to kick some ass.
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Christano Roanaldo dives because he thinks of Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris impregnates women without having sex with them.
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Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.
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Once Chuck Norris signed a cheque and the bank bounced.
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Once Chuck Norris went back in time and kicked a ball.
When it landed it wiped out the dinosaurs.
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You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life?
In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you.
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The Karate Kid killed caught a fly with two chopsticks, Chuck Norris killed a rhino with one.
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