Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time.
There's an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris... Just kidding, Chuck Norris is first.
Underneath China it says "Made in Chuck Norris".
Chuck Norris doesn't climb trees. He just pulls them down and walks on top of them.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
A lion once put his head inside the mouth of Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris was a kid his parents took him to a beach in Georgia. While swimming Chuck Norris pants came down and out popped Florida.
Chuck Norris once starred in Wheel of Fortune. The last twenty nine minutes were spent in an awkward silence, waiting for the wheel to stop spinning.
Chuck Norris was sitting around a campfire with two cowboys. The cowboys were competing to see which one is more hardcore. The first one says," Once, I was charged by an angry bull. I proceeded to jump on its back and kill it by gorging its eyes out." The second says, " Once I was swimming in a river, and an annocanda tried to strangle me. I ripped its head off with my teeth." Chuck norris just smiles and continues tending to the campfire with his penis.
Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.