In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
Chuck Norris can drink from an empty cup.
It's not the fall that kills you, it's Chuck Norris waiting for you at the bottom.
The Grimm Reaper lost his job the day Chuck Norris was born.
The best security system for a bank is when Chuck's money is in it.
Chuck Norris doesn't need a stapler, he puts the paper between his fingers and they just stick.
The truth hurts dosen't it, Chuck Norris' truth kills.
Chuck Norris scares cows so bad, milk comes out their nose.
When Chuck Norris breaks a sweat... he tries to do it as quickly as possible so as not to hurt it.
Chuck Norris can make a pound cake with only an ounce.