When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat kids into a camp fire.
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.
When Clark Kent goes into a phonebooth, Superman comes out. When Chuck Norris goes into a phone booth, it explodes and Chuck walks away.
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can startle his own reflection.
Chuck Norris can do push-ups with his beard.
A black hole is created when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks a sun.
Scientists believe that a giant meteor killed off the dinosaurs. This is true, if you can consider Chuck Norris to be a giant meteor.
Chuck Norris once wrestled a thirty foot snake, and then he realized he was just masturbating.
Oxygen needs Chuck Norris to survive.
Chuck Norris looked Medusa straight in the eyes, and laughed.