Chuck Norris uses black holes to clean his dishes.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to breathe, the oxygen comes to him.
Chuck Norris can eat peanut butter with a straw.
Chuck Norris does not open doors. Tthe doors have the common courtesy to open for him
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but even Jack couldn't avoid Chuck Norris' round house kick.
Chuck Norris can build a house from the roof down.
In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
There is no use crying over split milk, unless it's Chuck Norris' milk.