Joke #2619

"Waiter, this vinegar is rather lumpy." Waiter: "That's because they're pickled onions, sir."

I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley.. She said "Tenpin?" I said, "No, permanent."

The computer programmer to his son: "Here, I brought you a new basketball." Son: "Thank you, daddy, but where is the user's guide?"

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

An amateur golfer is one who addresses the ball twice: once before swinging, and once again after swinging.

Q:What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? A:Santa stops after three hos.

A man takes a beautiful blonde to his apartment. They're kissing in the elevator when she feels something in his pocket. "What is that?" she asks. "Those are my golf balls." "Is that like tennis elbow?"

My dad is really annoyed, I had the TV on and he accidentally saw the entire football match – he’d just wanted to watch the results on the news.

Fishing rule #1: The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish. Fishing rule #2: The worse your line is tangled, the better is the fishing around you. Fishing rule #3: Fishing will do a lot for a man but it won't make him truthful.

He was a colourful boxer. Black and blue all over.

What’s a swimmer’s favourite sport? Pool.