Chuck Norris doesn't read books.
He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
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Chuck Norris is suing MySpace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
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You can't win a starring contest with Chuck Norris becuase when you look in to his eyes you see hell starring right back at you.
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Death once got sentenced to Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris gives Freddy Krueger nightmares.
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Just announced that they are changing all the days of the week to Chuckdays.
Happy Chuckday everyone!
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Uri Geller bends spoons with his mind, Chuck Norris bends minds with a spoon.
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Time travel is possible.
But you must first get past Chuck Norris...
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Chuck Norris doesn't sweat.
He forces the air around him to cry and uses it's tears to cool himself.
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The two thousand member Catholic church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning.
The priest was ready to start the Mass when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church.
One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church.
They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons.
The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!"
Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir.
The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the alter boy.
After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church.
The priest was holding steady in the pulpit.
The men put their weapons away and said, gently, "All right, Father, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the Mass."
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Chuck Norris once went to court for a crime, the judge pleaded guilty.
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