Chuck Norris once created a time machine and had to fight himself. We call it The Big Bang.
Chuck Norris told his iPhone 2g it was a iPhone 4. He can now multi task and use face time.
During the Vietnam War, Chuck Norris allowed himself to be captured. For torture, they made him eat his own entrails. He asked for seconds.
If you want a list of Chuck Norri's enemies, just check the extinct species list.
Chuck Norris can convert kilograms into centimeters.
Electricity pays Chuck Norris to light up his house.
Chuck Norris is the real man inside of Chucky.
There was no Big Bang at the beginning of the Universe, Chuck Norris simply sneezed.
Chuck Norris can't fly, gravity just looks the other way when he leaves the ground.
In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
Chuck Norris has never used a question mark in his life.