Chuck Norris once created a time machine and had to fight himself.
We call it The Big Bang.
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The first paper money press was invented when Chuck Norris drew a design under his boot and stepped on a tree.
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Chuck Norris can listen to 24 hours worth of music and not move a single muscle.
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Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass.
At night.
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Chuck Norris has no freezer. He stares at food and they freeze with fear.
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Chuck Norris can shut the door open.
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Chuck Norris is so sharp you can cut yourself just by looking at him.
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Chuck Norris lives on The Road Not Taken.
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Some people like to eat frogs' legs.
Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs.
Hence, snakes.
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Q: How many licks does it take Chuck Norris to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?
A: Zero. He simply stares at the candy and the outer coating is gone.
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Guns can kill, Chuck Norris does!
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