Chuck Norris can hear your text messages.
Chuck Norris eats gummy bears and shits out grizzly bears.
Chuck Norris cuts off parts of his beard and sells it...we know this as kevlar.
Chuck Norris can simply walk into Mordor.
Chuck Norris can run so fast he can cause time travel.
Chuck Norris can do push-ups with his beard.
For fear of Chuck Norris, his shoes tie themselves.
The housing market crashed because Chuck thought he was paying too much property tax.
Chuck Norris won American Idol, only using sign language.
Finally, they discovered real cause of Bruce Lee's death – extreme exhaustion from fight with Chuck Norris.