Chuck Norris can hear your text messages.
Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
Chuck Norris made a statue bleed.
Bill Gates once asked Chuck Norris to be his personal body guard for an hour, he couldn't afford it...
Chuck Norris doesn't go on the Internet, he has every Internet site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking.
When Chuck Norris drives a Lamborghini, people assume the Llamborghini is compensating for something.
Hip-Hop is dead because of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can see at least 3 extra colors.
Chuck Norris does not masturbate, because there is no greater pleasure than being Chuck Norris.
Every resturant has a drive thru when you're riding shotgun with Chuck Norris.
Some magicans can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.