Chuck Norris can turn carbon paper into diamonds.
Chuck Norris cut his scissors using his hair.
Chuck Norris made Newton write 3 laws of physics just to break them... he was having a boring weekend.
Before his rise to fame, Jaws was Chuck Norris's goldfish.
He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the roundhouse kick.
The earth is rotating because Chuck Norris is breathing.
Chuck Norris once planted a box of Cheerios in his yard, the result was a donut tree.
The Earth does NOT revolve around the Sun. The Earth is stationary. The Sun follows Chuck Norris as he makes his daily jog around the Earth.
Chuck Norris once shot someone with a knife.
Chuck Norris can hear your text messages.
Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.