Chuck Norris does not cleanse himself with your everyday shower. He uses Meteor Showers.
Chuck Norris doesn't Tivo television programs. They come on when HE wants them to.
Chuck Norris once climbed the empire state building and roundhouse kicked the human spider off the top.
Lays chips claims "No one can eat just one". Wrong. Chuck Norris ate ONE, laughed then ate a whole bag of Doritos.
When God said "Let there be light!", Chuck Norris said "Only for half the day."
Justin Bieber has Chuck Norris fever!
Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.
Chuck Norris has the iPhone 5...he got it back in '84.
AIDS Can't Kill Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris CAN handle the truth.
Charlie Sheen is a drug, it will melt your face and kill you. Chuck Norris had two 8-Balls of Sheen and is now suing for false advertising.