Chuck Norris can turn on clapper lights by flexing.
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Chuck Norris walks into a bar, and as he enters, notices a horse and the end of the bar with a sign on it.
Out of curiosity, he approaches the bartender and asks what the deal is with the horse at the end of the bar.
The bartender tells him: "The sign says if you can make the horse laugh you'll win $50. Take note though that hundreds of people have tried and no-one has been able to do it."
"Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back."
So he walks to the end of the bar, whispers something into the horse's ear, and within seconds the horse is laughing hysterically.
"That's amazing," said the bartender.
"Tell you what, if you can make him cry I'll double your winnings."
"Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back."
So Chuck walked again over to the horse, came back to the bartender 2 minutes later, and the horse was balling and sobbing like a baby.
"Well," replied Chuck Norris, "First I told him a had a bigger d*ck than he did. Then I showed him."
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Chuck Norris is the ghost in paranormal activity.
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When Chuck Norris talks, people listen.
When he doesn't, people still listen.
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Chuck Norris can paste something before he copies it.
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Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
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Once Chuck Norris went to Mc Donalds and had a pizza.
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30 lumberjacks once tried to cut off Chuck Norris's beard...
They were never seen again.
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Voldemort refers to Chuck Norris as "You Know Who."
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Chuck Norris does not skip stones... he skips sheets of drywall.
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Chuck Norris does not open doors.
Tthe doors have the common courtesy to open for him
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