The best lawyer jokes

A loan shark asks a lawyers advice: How can I get back my $1,000 from Johnny if I lost my loan receipt? Send a letter where you will write to him to send you the $2,000 he owns you. Ok but I only loaned him $1,000! That’s the idea, we want to get from hem a proof that he owns you $1,000...
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From tomorrow you are free! The lawyer informs his client. Yes, I’m so happy, I have nothing to say, grumbled the prisoner. I torment myself for 5 years to make a rope ladder, 3 years to rasp the cage bars and you come now with the amnesty ordinance, exactly now when I wanted to break free...
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A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer." The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer. That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "That's Strange"!
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree? Cut the rope.
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I dated a lawyer until she said, ‘Stop, and/or I’ll slap your face!’
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Lawyer: ‘Let me give you my honest opinion.’ Client: ‘No, no. I’m paying for professional advice.’
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What’s a foot long, transparent and lies in the gutter. A lawyer once the crap’s been kicked out of him.
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Q: What do lawyers wear to court? A: Lawsuits!
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Why are lawyers buried 12 feet deep when they die instead of the normal six feet? Because deep down they are really good people.
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How is an earnest lawyer called? An oxymoron.
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