From tomorrow you are free! The lawyer informs his client. Yes, I’m so happy, I have nothing to say, grumbled the prisoner. I torment myself for 5 years to make a rope ladder, 3 years to rasp the cage bars and you come now with the amnesty ordinance, exactly now when I wanted to break free...
A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer." The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer. That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "That's Strange"!
How do you get a lawyer out of a tree? Cut the rope.
I dated a lawyer until she said, ‘Stop, and/or I’ll slap your face!’
If it wasn’t for lawyers, we wouldn’t need them.
Lawyer: ‘Let me give you my honest opinion.’ Client: ‘No, no. I’m paying for professional advice.’
What’s a foot long, transparent and lies in the gutter. A lawyer once the crap’s been kicked out of him.
A junior partner in a law firm is sent to represent a client accused of murder. After a long trial, the case is won and the client acquitted. The young lawyer telegraphs his firm with the message, ‘Justice prevailed’. The senior partner telegraphs back, ‘Appeal immediately’.
What do you get when you cross a godfather with a lawyer? An offer you can’t understand.
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a mosquito? A mosquito drops off you when you die!