I had to divorce my husband for religious reasons, I'm a catholic and living with him is hell.
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails? Make him wear shoes.
This man goes along to the Patent Office with some of his new designs. He says to the clerk, "I'd like to register my new invention. It's a folding bottle." "OK," says the clerk. "What do you call it?" "A fottle, replies the inventor." "A fottle? That's a stupid! Can't you think of something else?" "I can think about it. I've got something else though. It's a folding carton." "And what do you call that?" asks the clerk. "A farton", replies the inventor. "That's rude. You can't possibly call it that!" "In that case," says the inventor... "You're really going to hate the name of my folding bucket."
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? Who knows? - It hasn't happened yet!!
What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man? His wife is good at picking out clothes.
My Dearest Susan, Sweetie of my heart. I’ve been so desolate ever since I broke off our engagement. Simply devastated. Won’t you please consider coming back to me? You hold a place in my heart no other woman can fill. I can never marry another woman quite like you. I need you so much. Won’t you forgive me and let us make a new beginning? I love you so. Yours always and truly, John P.S. Congratulations on you winning the state lottery.
Q. Why did the man cross the road? A. He heard the chicken was a slut.
Men are like.....Government bonds. They take so long to mature.
Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women? When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.
Why does a man like love at first sight? It saves them a lot of time.