A man rushes out of his wife's hospital room. "Doctor, doctor -- my wife's been in a coma for several months, but when I just touched her left breast, she sighed!" "That's very encouraging," says the doctor. "Go back and touch her right breast. See if she reacts." A few minutes later, the man rushes out again: "Doctor, she moaned!" "Very good," says the doctor. "Now try oral sex. She should certainly react to that!" Five minutes later, the man comes out back out, white as a sheet. "Doctor -- she died." "No! What happened?" the doctor exclaims. "Well, doc," the man says tearfully, "she choked."
Why is it dangerous to tell the husband to go and change the son? Two hours later he comes back with a baby girl.
They put one man on the moon. Why can’t they put them all there?
Why do men like love at first sight? It saves them a lot of time.
What is the difference between a man and E.T.? E.T. phoned home.
Two hunters shot a deer, and were dragging him to the car by the hind leg, which was difficult because the other legs kept snagging in the brush. "Chet, I've got an idea, I think we are doing this wrong. Let's try dragging him by the horns, like we were advised by the ammo-store salesman." "OK," says Ivan. After a while, Ivan says, "I think this is a lot better because his legs fold up and don't get caught in the brush, but we seem to be getting farther from the car."
Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics? He had it bronzed.
Q: How does a man show he is planning for the future? A: He buys two cases of beer.
Men are like.....Laxatives. They irritate the shit out of you.
Why does the stupid man put ice in his condom? To keep the swelling down.