Husband: What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
Wife: Turn sideways and look in the mirror.
Q. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A. Breasts don't have eyes.
How does a man save a woman from being attacked on the street at night?
He controls himself.
A man rushes out of his wife's hospital room.
"Doctor, doctor -- my wife's been in a coma for several months, but when I just touched her left breast, she sighed!"
"That's very encouraging," says the doctor. "Go back and touch her right breast. See if she reacts."
A few minutes later, the man rushes out again: "Doctor, she moaned!"
"Very good," says the doctor.
"Now try oral sex.
She should certainly react to that!"
Five minutes later, the man comes out back out, white as a sheet.
"Doctor -- she died."
"No! What happened?" the doctor exclaims.
"Well, doc," the man says tearfully, "she choked."
Why is it dangerous to tell the husband to go and change the son?
Two hours later he comes back with a baby girl.
Q. Why did the man cross the road?
A. He heard the chicken was a slut.
Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
A burglar breaks into a house and is quietly and expertly collecting valuables in his bag when he hears a voice: "Jesus is watching you."
Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds?
Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
They already have boyfriends.