Jose approaches the Mexican border on his bicycle. Hanging from his shoulders he has two large, bulky bags. The border patrol guard stops him and says,"Hey mister what ya got in those bags?" "Just sand," replied Jose.
Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one has to drop off, otherwise they are all going to fall. They were not able to choose that person, but then the woman made a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because as woman she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, and for men in general, without ever getting anything in return. As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands.
Why are men like laxatives? They can irritate the s**t out of you.
Husband: What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? Wife: Turn sideways and look in the mirror.
Q. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? A. Breasts don't have eyes.
How does a man save a woman from being attacked on the street at night? He controls himself.
Why are blonde jokes so short? So men can remember them.
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking? They already have boyfriends.
Why do men need instant replay on TV sports? Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
A burglar breaks into a house and is quietly and expertly collecting valuables in his bag when he hears a voice: "Jesus is watching you."