Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a State Policeman sees a car puttering along at 22 miles per hour.
He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!"
So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver...
What is the difference between a man and E.T.?
E.T. phoned home.
If women knew what men were really thinking, they'd never stop slapping them.
A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts."
The doctor asks, "What do you mean?"
The man says, "When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts."
The doctor says, "I know what's wrong with you. You've broken your finger!"
Q: Why are Christmas trees better than Men?
A: Even the small ones give satisfaction.
"What is a man's idea of a balanced diet?"
"A Budweiser in each hand!"
Q: How does a man show he is planning for the future?
A: He buys two cases of beer.
Men are like.....Popcorn.
They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
Q. What do you call a sensitive, intelligent man?
A. An oxymoron.
Why does the stupid man put ice in his condom?
To keep the swelling down.