How are men like diplomas?
You spend lots of time getting one, but once you
have it, you don't know what to do with it.
Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics?
He had it bronzed.
What is the thinnest book in the world?
"What men know about women."
I only wanted to have a child, not marry one.
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger.
What do men dream of?
Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.
How is a man like a microwave oven?
Just another thing that heats up instantly and goes off in twenty seconds.
"What is a man's idea of a balanced diet?"
"A Budweiser in each hand!"
A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts."
The doctor asks, "What do you mean?"
The man says, "When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts."
The doctor says, "I know what's wrong with you. You've broken your finger!"
What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it