What is the difference between a man and E.T.? E.T. phoned home.
If women knew what men were really thinking, they'd never stop slapping them.
A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts." The doctor asks, "What do you mean?" The man says, "When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts." The doctor says, "I know what's wrong with you. You've broken your finger!"
Q: How does a man show he is planning for the future? A: He buys two cases of beer.
Q. What do you call a sensitive, intelligent man? A. An oxymoron.
Why does the stupid man put ice in his condom? To keep the swelling down.
They put one man on the moon. Why can’t they put them all there?
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking? They already have boyfriends.
One guy says to a bald guy "Your hair ran away to find someone with a brain."
There is the chief of Indians, and he is going down a field with his tribe, and they come across a pile of sh*t.So the chief asks his tribe men : "Does this look like sh*t to you?" "Yes is does", they replied. "Smell it. Does it smell like sh*t to you", asks the Chief. "Mmmmm..Yes" "Feel it. Does it feel like sh*t to you?", says the Chief. "Mmmmm..Yes" "Lick it. Does it taste like sh*t to you?", inquires the Chief. "Ammmm...Yes" "Good. Don't step on it!"