Men are like.....Lawn Mowers. If you're not pushing one around, then you're riding it.
I’ve know John a long time and am considered a bit of a father figure to him. I have watched him crawl around on his knees, drink from a bottle and I’ve cleaned up after him but enough about the Bachelor Party.
Q. Why were men given larger brains than dogs? A. So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
What's the quickest way to lose 190 pounds of ugly fat? Divorce him.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? ONE......He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
10 things men don't say 1)Let's watch Lifetime. 2)Sex is overrated. 3)I don't want to go too far on the first date. 4)Yes, your sister does have bigger breasts than you. 5)Don't we owe your mother a visit? 6)I'm relieved I don't have a large penis weighing me down. 7)Dessert goes right to my hips. 8)I hate when I miss Oprah. 9)Does this suit make me look fat? 10)I'll never get tired of listening to Dido.
Men are like.....Vacations. They never seem to be long enough.
What should you give a man who has everything? A. A woman to show him how to work it. B. Penicillin.
What do you call a handcuffed man? Trustworthy.