Q. What's the difference between men and government bonds?
A. Bonds mature.
How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger between his neck and the noose.
Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born?
To knock the penises off the smart ones.
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
How does a man show he's planning for the Future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
What's the difference between an intelligent man and a UFO?
I don't know, I've never seen either one.
Confucius say, man who fart in church sit in own pew.
Q: What does a shot of Everclear and a Woman have in common?
A: Both of them make men start talking nonsense!
Q. Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
A. So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
Why don't men often show their true feelings?
Because they don't have any.