Did you hear about the man who got a vasectomy at Sears?
Now every time he gets excited, the garage door goes up.
What usually happens when a man puts his best foot forward?
It ends up in his mouth.
Q. What's the difference between men and government bonds?
A. Bonds mature.
How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger between his neck and the noose.
Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born?
To knock the penises off the smart ones.
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
How does a man show he's planning for the Future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
What's the difference between an intelligent man and a UFO?
I don't know, I've never seen either one.
Confucius say, man who fart in church sit in own pew.
Q: What does a shot of Everclear and a Woman have in common?
A: Both of them make men start talking nonsense!