What usually happens when a man puts his best foot forward? It ends up in his mouth.
He: Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way. She: Well, you succeeded.
Q. What's the difference between men and government bonds? A. Bonds mature.
Why does a man prefer blondes? Men always like intellectual company.
Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born? To knock the penises off the smart ones.
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.
How does a man show he's planning for the Future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Diamonds are a girl's best friend. Dogs are man's best friend. So which is the dumber sex?
Confucius say, man who fart in church sit in own pew.
Q: What does a shot of Everclear and a Woman have in common? A: Both of them make men start talking nonsense!