How do most men compare to Mel Gibson?
They have everything he has, except talent, money, and looks.
How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
At the circus the clowns don't talk.
How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
Any place without a drive-up window.
How are men like chocolates?
A.They never last long enough
B.They always leave stains whenever they get hot.
Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half time.
What's the difference between an intelligent man and a UFO?
I don't know, I've never seen either one.
Q: Why are men so happy?
A: Because ignorance is bliss.
I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'
So he gave me a kite.
What should you give a man who has everything?
A. A woman to show him how to work it.
B. Penicillin.