Two alpinists on a mountain: One of them falls in a crack, the other jumps at the hole and screams after the other one: Are you hurt? Noooooo! He hears. How come? I’m still fallinnnnnnn!
A burglary was recently committed at West Ham's ground and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen. The police are looking for a man with a claret & blue carpet.
Rugby player: "Doctor, doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror - I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" Doctor: "I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect."
Golfer: "Well caddy, do you like my game?" Caddy: "Very good, sir! But personally I prefer golf."
There was a terrible tragedy concerning the local ice hockey team. They drowned during spring training.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because the cart cannot count, criticize or laugh.
What can you serve that you cannot eat? A tennis ball.
A drunk guy in Alaska decides to go ice fishing. He starts sawing a hole in the ice, when a loud booming voice says, "You will find no fish there." The drunk looks up, ignores it, and continues on. The voice booms again, "You will find no fish under the ice." The drunk looks up and says, "God, is that you?" The voice says, "No, I'm the manager of this ice rink."
What’s a swimmer’s favourite sport? Pool.