The best sport jokes

James and Neil were fortunate enough to have a season ticket to watch Manchester United. They could not help noticing that there was always a spare seat next (A16) to them and they had a friend who would love to buy a season ticket, especially if all three could have seats together. One half-time Neil went to the ticket office and asked if they could buy the season ticket for A16. The official said that unfortunately the ticket had been sold. Nevertheless, week after week the seat was still empty. Then on Boxing day, much to James and Neil's amazement the seat was taken for the first time that season. Neil could not resist asking the newcomer, 'Where have you been all season'. 'Don't ask' he said, 'the wife bought the season ticket back last summer, and kept it for a surprise Christmas present.'
Vote:
has 29.93 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, soccer, sport, wife
I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.
Vote:
has 29.01 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: sport
Did you hear John McEnroe went for an audition for the latest Harry Potter film? They turned him down, saying "You cannot be Sirius!"
Vote:
has 29.01 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: sport
A blind man was describing his favorite sport - parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go." "But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked. "I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground," he answered. But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked. He quickly answered "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack."
Vote:
has 28.61 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: animal, sport
I thought I told you to lose weight. Says the coach. What happened to your three week diet that I told you to keep? Well, I finished it in three days!
Vote:
has 28.61 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: sport
Why did the captain lose the yacht race? He found himself in a no-wind situation.
Vote:
has 28.61 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: sport
What’s the difference between an aerobics instructor and a torturer? The torturer would apologize first.
Vote:
has 28.61 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: sport
A guy finally got tickets to the Super Bowl, but his seats were in the nosebleed section -- but he didn't care, he had always dreamed of going to the Super Bowl. So he wants to find a seat closer to where he can see better. He finds this seat toward the front and he asks the guy next to it whether anyone is sitting there. The guy replies, "No, because my wife just died." "Well," says the first man, "why didn't you just bring a friend or relative?" The guy replied, "Oh, they're all at the funeral."
Vote:
has 28.45 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: death, funeral, sport, wife
A man had an idea that could make him rich. After it was perfected he brought it to an inventors' help group. When asked what his great invention was, he pulled out an apple. The group looked at it and started laughing. The inventor said, "You don't understand! Taste it." A volunteer tried it and said, "Mmmmmmm, tastes like peaches." The inventor said, "Flip it over." He flipped it over and took another chunk of the apple. "Mmmmmmmm, tastes like grapes." The inventor offered a new apple and the volunteer said, "What does it taste like?" "Pussy," said the inventor. The guy bit into it, and spit it out with an awful look on his face and shouted, "That tasted like ass!" The inventor winked and said, "Flip it over."
Vote:
has 27.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: sport
Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet. Squash
Vote:
has 27.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: sport
<<<37383940
More jokes →
Page 37 of 45.