Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
Caddy: "I don't think you can keep your head down that long."
Chuck Norris won the Boston marathon in New York.
Vote:
Q: Why there are many bubbles on the pool's water?
A: Swimmers are farting.
Vote:
Aladdin has been banned from the magic carpet race.
Apparently he's been using performance enhancing rugs...
Mommy Bear and Daddy Bear were in divorce court.
The judge looked down and asked the Baby Bear, "So Baby Bear, do you want to live with Daddy Bear?"
"Oh, no," Baby Bear replied, "I don't want to live with Daddy Bear.
He beat me." "Well then, you should live with Mommy Bear," answered the judge.
"On, no, I don't want to live with Mommy Bear. She beat me."
"Well then, Baby Bear, who do you want to live with?" Baby Bear said,
"I want to live with the Chicago Bears. They don't beat anybody!"
Peter: Why was the Olympian not able to listen to music?
Matthew: Why?
Peter: Because he broke the record!
I'll never understand how you can come up second in a biathlon.
I mean – you've got a gun, haven't you?
Vote:
I used to play tennis, baseball, basketball and chess, but I stopped after my son broke my playstation.
Vote:
A golfer was addressing his ball, getting ready to shoot.
Just as he was about ready to hit, a voice came over the p.a. system -
"Will the gentleman on the lady's tee please move back to the men's tee".
He looked up, looked back down and then resumed addressing the ball again.
The Voice again - "Will the Man on the Red tees PLEASE MOVE BACK to the White Tees?!"
He looked back at the starters shack and yelled,
"Will the IDIOT on the p.a. shut up so that the man on the lady's tee can hit his second shot"!
On a Roman warship, the galley boss looked over his slaves and shouted, "Today I have good news. All of you are getting extra food tonight."
The slaves all looked at him in silence, except one decrepit old man in the back, who moaned, "Oh God, no, not again."
A new slave next to him asked, "Why are you moaning?"
"This only happens when the Captain's nephew wants to water ski."