Q: Did you hear they finally made a device that makes cars run 95% quieter?
A: Yeah, it fits right over her mouth.
A man goes to his doctor after losing a lot of weight.
"I feel great, but I have a problem, doctor.
I was so fat beforehand that my skin has stretched and stayed that long. Is there anything you can give me?"
"Hmm, short of plastic surgery, there is only one alternative.
Please take off your clothes."
The man strips down.
The doctor pulls all his skin upwards and ties it in a ball above his head.
"But doctor -- now my navel is in the middle of my forehead!"
"True," replies the doctor, "and you should see what you have for a collar and tie."
My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.
My grandfather always said, "Don't watch your money; watch your health."
So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money.
It was my grandfather.
Vote:
Chuck Norris can watch an episode of 60 Minutes in a half-hour.
Vote:
Chuck Norris' feminine side is manlier than the manliest man's manly side.
Vote:
Q: What do Barbie and Paris Hilton have in common?
A: Both are blonde, brainless and made out of plastic.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Vote:
Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
Vote:
Why did the teacher jump into the lake?
Because she wanted to test the waters!