Chuck Norris can watch an episode of 60 Minutes in a half-hour.
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Chuck Norris' feminine side is manlier than the manliest man's manly side.
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Q: What do Barbie and Paris Hilton have in common?
A: Both are blonde, brainless and made out of plastic.
Yo' Mama is so nasty, the animals at the petting zoo make her wear gloves.
A man goes to his doctor after losing a lot of weight.
"I feel great, but I have a problem, doctor.
I was so fat beforehand that my skin has stretched and stayed that long. Is there anything you can give me?"
"Hmm, short of plastic surgery, there is only one alternative.
Please take off your clothes."
The man strips down.
The doctor pulls all his skin upwards and ties it in a ball above his head.
"But doctor -- now my navel is in the middle of my forehead!"
"True," replies the doctor, "and you should see what you have for a collar and tie."
My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.
My grandfather always said, "Don't watch your money; watch your health."
So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money.
It was my grandfather.
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One simply cannot play fair and win in a zoo - there are way too many cheetahs.
I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation.
If you are the silent type, let’s get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.
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In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
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