A wife catches her husband masturbating under the shower and approaches him. The husband: Oh dear, it was so dirty that I had to rub it so hard... it almost hurts!
Q: What happens when you spin an asian man on a swivel chair? A: He gets disoriented!
The whole idea of Jesus dying to pay for our sins is bullshit. Jews don't pay for anything.
Why did the little black boy start crying when he had diarrhea? He thought he was melting.
Q: Why haven't they sent any women to the moon? A: Because it doesn't need cleaning yet.
Dinosaurs once crossed Chuck Norris. Once.
Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I bet you don't know what day this is." "Of course I do," he irritatingly answered, going out the door to the office. At 11 AM, the doorbell rang, and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a bouquet of red roses. At 2 PM, a two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress. The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home. "First the flowers, then the chocolates, and then the dress!" she exclaimed. "I've never had a more wonderful ‘Independence day' in all my life!"
Why did Rosa Parks die? She refused to go to the back of the ambulance!
What do you say when you see your TV floating in the dark? "Drop it nigger!"
Yo mama is so stupid that when a teacher told the class nobody is perfect, he replied, "I want to become nobody!"