Chuck Norris can breath out with his nose and breath in with his mouth at the same time.
Q: Why aren't the aliens making contact? A: They are afraid of Chuck Norris.
Salmon swim upstream because Chuck Norris is downstream.
Chuck Norris found the end of a rainbow. The leprachuan said he couldn't have the gold. So he roundhouse kicked him in the face.
Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him, so he tracked down nothing and killed it.
Chuck Norris only mast*rbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris' yawn put people in comas.
The tides don't change because of the moon; the sea just wants to be as far away as possible from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once round house kicked a bear while on a survival trek in Siberia. That incident was known as the Tunguska event.
Chuck Norris took a nap. The result was the Great Depression.
Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murders in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not "attempt" murder.