Why did Steve Jobs live his last moments in regret?
They say your life flashes before your eyes just before you die.
Unfortunately for Steve Jobs, his iPhone 4S didn't have a Flash player installed!
You momma so stupid I see her walking the pigs down the street I'd asked "What she doing?" And she said "Going piggy back riding"!
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After football fans in Philadelphia were treated to a particularly excruciating loss earlier in the season, a man phoned a sports-radio talk-show host to say, "Everyone should call in and give one word for that game."
"What's your word?" the host
replied.
"Bored out of my mind," said the caller.
Why is there always hot water at childbirth?
In case of a stillbirth, soup.
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How are babies and the elderly alike?
Both are fun to throw out of moving cars.
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What is the difference between marriage and death?
Dead people are free.
Chuck Norris Turns his grass emo so it will cut itself.
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Q: What do you call a man who run a cross the road and roll in the dirt then run back across?
A: A double dirty crosser.
Chuck Norris does not smile. \r\nHe flexes his teeth.
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Some of us can "save the day," Chuck Norris can save a century.
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