John: Knock, knock. Justin: Who’s there? John: Gladys. Justin: Gladys, who? John: Gladys the weekend—no homework!
Did you hear about the Irishman who couldn't tell the difference between his two horses? His friend suggested measuring them, that didn't help though, the Irishman discovered that the brown horse was only an inch taller than the white one!
Q: What do cannibal tax advisors do after their office Christmas Dinner? A: Toast their clients.
They say that "You can't cheat Death", but Chuck Norris can beat it fairly.
Chuck Norris used to be a soccer referee. He lost the job after giving penalties to the players: Death Penalty.
A man came home from the bar with an unknown woman. He woke up in the morning and yelled, "A crocodile, a crocodile!" The woman woke up and asked, "Where, where?" A man cried again, "O-o-oh, the crocodile is talking!"
Chuck Norris can comment on Facebook posts, before you publish them.
Yo mama so stupid when I said I was going to the big apple she said bring me back one.
Chuck Norris' free advice is worth a fortune.
If Chuck were in the movie Nightmare On Elm Street then it would be renamed nightmare on Chuck Norris Street, cuz nobody dared to get near him.