The fastest dialog in the world:
(WC door is opening)
Man inside: Heyyy!
Man outside: Sorryyy!
Most tough men eat nails for breakfast.
Chuck Norris does all of his grocery shopping at Home Depot.
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Steve Jobs was an amazing man.
He will live in my hard drive forever!
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A wife tells her husband:
"We never go out anywhere…"
"Great, tomorrow I will be going to through our the garbage, you may join me…"
Chuck Norris doesn't blow out brithday candles, they surrender their flames willingly.
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Scientists did not in fact slipt the atom, Chuck Norris just roundhouse kicked it.
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If Chuck were in the movie Nightmare On Elm Street then it would be renamed nightmare on Chuck Norris Street, cuz nobody dared to get near him.
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When everyone else can't, Chuck Norris CAN.
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I was walking down the street with my wife earlier when she accused me of being ashamed to be seen with her.
"That's total bollocks" I replied.
By text, from across the road.
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Q: What kind of doctor does a duck visit?
A: A Ducktor.