A man who recently had a sex-change operation was talking to his former buddies at work about the operation. "Was it painful?" someone asked. "Well,"she said. "There was one part that was extremely painful." "I bet I know what part was so painful," someone else said. "I bet it was when they cut off your balls," they said. "No," she said. "I was heavily sedated and didn't feel a thing." "Then it must have been when they cut off your pecker," another person offered. "No," she said. "I was sedated then too, and didn't feel anything." "Then what part of the operation was so painful?" They wanted to know. "Well," she said. "After they were done cutting, they stuck a straw in my ear and sucked out half of my brains."
Q. Why did the man put his money in the freezer? A. He wanted cold hard cash!
I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said, "Are you two an item?"
God said let there be light. Chuck Norris said say please.
Three grandsons of ex Army Men were boasting about their grandfathers. "My great grandfather," one declared proudly, "made the army proud by joining the army at the age of 12." "Mine," boasts another, "got 12 bravery medals." "He was the only soldier in my family," confessed the third one, "but if my great grandfather was living today he'd be the most famous man in the world." "Really? What'd he do?" his friends wanted to know. "Nothing much. But he would be 152 years old."
Q: What do you call a bunch of black people running up a hill? A: Backed up sewage.
What did the music teacher need a ladder for? To reach the top notes.
Yo momma’s so ugly, she makes onions cry.
When I was born, everyone was so happy. Even the doctor said, ‘I think it’s a baby.’
Yo mama is so stupid she tried to commit suicide by jumping out the basement window.