How is a man like a microwave oven?
Just another thing that heats up instantly and goes off in twenty seconds.
Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
Someday, the people who know how to use computers will rule over those who don’t.
And there will be a special name for them – secretaries.
I dated a lawyer until she said, ‘Stop, and/or I’ll slap your face!’
A private was brought up before the unit CO for some offence.
‘You can take your choice, Private – one month’s restriction or twenty days’ pay,’ said the officer.
‘All right, sir,’ said the bright soldier, ‘I’ll take the money.’
"What is a man's idea of a balanced diet?"
"A Budweiser in each hand!"
30 lumberjacks once tried to cut off Chuck Norris's beard...
They were never seen again.
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Chuck Norris stared at the sun... the sun went blind.
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Yo momma is so fat, that when NASA put her on the moon, her breasts were the only things bouncing... just like on earth.
I was walking down the street with my wife earlier when she accused me of being ashamed to be seen with her.
"That's total bollocks" I replied.
By text, from across the road.
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