I dated a lawyer until she said, ‘Stop, and/or I’ll slap your face!’
A private was brought up before the unit CO for some offence.
‘You can take your choice, Private – one month’s restriction or twenty days’ pay,’ said the officer.
‘All right, sir,’ said the bright soldier, ‘I’ll take the money.’
From tomorrow you are free!
The lawyer informs his client.
Yes, I’m so happy, I have nothing to say, grumbled the prisoner.
I torment myself for 5 years to make a rope ladder, 3 years to rasp the cage bars and you come now with the amnesty ordinance, exactly now when I wanted to break free...
Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
A: To practice.
How many schoolteachers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Anything not completed during the lesson is added to the homework.
"What is a man's idea of a balanced diet?"
"A Budweiser in each hand!"
30 lumberjacks once tried to cut off Chuck Norris's beard...
They were never seen again.
Vote:
Yo momma is so fat, that when NASA put her on the moon, her breasts were the only things bouncing... just like on earth.
Chuck Norris stared at the sun... the sun went blind.
Vote:
A young woman for whom a marriage with an old man was being arranged by her parents refused to go through with the ceremony because as she put it, " I don't want to feel old age creeping on me!"