At the age of 17, Chuck Norris was fired from his job in a car factory because he roundhouse-kicked a car in half.
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Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
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Yo momma’s so stupid, she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Cif.
Me: How do I unsubscribe so I don't get your emails any more?
Boss: What?
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Why do cannibals make suitcases out of people's heads?
Because they're headcases.
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Randy Rachel has got a speech impediment – she can’t say no.
Three men stranded on an island.
They were walking across the sand when they came across a magic lamp; they rubbed the lamp and out came a genie.
The genie said "you have three wishes but make it quick."
So they thought about what they were going to wish for.
The one man said, "I wish I was at home with my family."
So the genie said your wish is my command, and he was gone, then the second man said
"I wish I was in the pub with my mates."
So he was gone.
The last man said, "I am lonely and I want my friends back."
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I'm not saying yo mama is a whore but her favorite shade of lipstick is penis.
J: What did Miley Cyrus eat for Thanksgiving day?
A: TWERKY!
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When Chuck Norris was a child, he would play with real logs instead of Lincoln logs.