I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah; I thought, ''He's trying to pull a fast one''.
How can you tell that elephants have been doing it in your garage?
All your Hefty Bags are missing.
A jury consists of twelve people chosen to decide who has the best lawyer.
Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow they take away your credit card.
Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
Q: What's the difference between a dog and a fox?
A: About eight beers.
Mortal: What is a million years like to you? God: Like one second.
Mortal: What is a million pounds like to you?
God: Like one penny.
Mortal: Can I have a penny?
God: Just a second…
My wife and I have a joint account.
I deposit money and she withdraws it.
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?
One’s a scum-sucking bottom dweller, the other’s a fish!
A man is walking through a park when he steps in a pile of dog mess.
He pauses to wipe his shoe on the grass and sees another man step into the same pile.
‘I just did that,’ says the man, so the other man rubs his nose in it.