My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now and we don’t know where the heck she is.
How do you join the police? Handcuff them together.
Why did the policeman carry a pencil and a piece of very thin paper? He wanted to trace someone.
Why are baseball players in trouble with the law so often? They always hit and run.
Yo momma’s so fat, when she went to the beach, she was the only one that got a tan.
Yo momma’s so stupid, she cooks with Old Spice.
We call my father-in-law the exorcist. Every time he visits he rids the house of spirits.
Whiskey is a great drink – it makes you see double and feel single.
My tomcat used to stay out all night, so I took him to the vet and had him neutered. Now he still stays out all night – it turns out he likes to watch!
Yo mama is so fat a bus hit her and she said a mosquito.