A man goes to his doctor after losing a lot of weight.
"I feel great, but I have a problem, doctor.
I was so fat beforehand that my skin has stretched and stayed that long.
Is there anything you can give me?"
"Hmm, short of plastic surgery, there is only one alternative.
Please take off your clothes."
The man strips down.
The doctor pulls all his skin upwards and ties it in a ball above his head.
"But doctor -- now my navel is in the middle of my forehead!"
"True," replies the doctor, "and you should see what you have for a collar and tie."
Q: What do you buy at a black guys garage sale?
A: Your shit back.
Vote:
We're hoping Chuck Norris doesn't go bald on top.
It's a bad look with his mullet.
Vote:
Yo momma mouth so big, she speaks in surround sound.
Q: What do gay horses eat?
A: Hay.
Chuck Norris decided 50 years of Micheal Jackson was enough
Vote:
Yo mama so scary, every time someone throws shots, she calls the police.
Are you free on Sunday?
The director asks his secretary.
Yes, sir.
Then, please, use this day to rest a bit, so you won’t be late at work on Monday.
What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
Breath!!!!
As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son announced that he had just signed up at an army recruiter's
office. There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation.
"Oh, come on, quit joking," snickered one.
"You didn't really do that, did you?"
"You would never get through basic training," scoffed another.
The new recruit looked to his mother for help, but she was just gazing at him.
When she finally spoke, she simply asked,
"Do you really plan to make your own bed every morning?"