How many bankers does it take to change a light bulb?
Four.
One to hold the bulb, and three to try and remember the combination.
Q: Why is going to a meeting of the Bar Association like going into a bait shop?
A: Because of the abundance of suckers, leeches, maggots and nightcrawlers
Rugby player: "Doctor, doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror - I feel like throwing up.
What's wrong with me?"
Doctor: "I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect."
A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job.
In the first room, she said she would like a pale blue.
The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out “green side up!”
In the second room, she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow.
He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled “green side up!”
The lady was somewhat curious, but she said nothing.
In the third room, she said she would like it painted a warm rose color.
The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled “green side up!”
The lady then asked him, “Why do you keep yelling ‘green side up’?”
“I’m sorry,” came the reply. “But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.
I know a lady who blew her man's jimmy off because he wanted to be down with O.P.P.
Now he down with No P.P.
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she voted for a pit bull wearing lipstick.
Yo' Mama is so nasty, her vagina's in the Axis of Evil.
Q: What did one tampon say to the other?
A: Nothing. They were both stuck up bitches.
Q: Why is it jewish men won't go down on a woman?
A: Too close to the gas chamber.
One day a man and a giraffe go to a pub they have a couple of drinks then on their way out the giraffe falls over and blocks the door the bar.
Man says "you can leave that lion here."
The man said "it's not a lion its a giraffe you idiot."