Men are like.....Popcorn. They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
This man goes along to the Patent Office with some of his new designs. He says to the clerk, "I'd like to register my new invention. It's a folding bottle." "OK," says the clerk. "What do you call it?" "A fottle, replies the inventor." "A fottle? That's a stupid! Can't you think of something else?" "I can think about it. I've got something else though. It's a folding carton." "And what do you call that?" asks the clerk. "A farton", replies the inventor. "That's rude. You can't possibly call it that!" "In that case," says the inventor... "You're really going to hate the name of my folding bucket."
Lets face it, there are a lot of dumb people out there. Sometimes you want to express how stupid they really are and here's how... An intellect rivaled only by garden tools. As smart as bait. Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash. Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair. Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor. Forgot to pay his brain bill. His belt doesn't go through all the loops. If he had another brain, it would be lonely. Missing a few buttons on his remote control. Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse. Receiver is off the hook. Surfing in Nebraska. An experiment in Artificial Stupidity. A few beers short of a six-pack. A few peas short of a casserole. The cheese slid off his cracker. Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear. Couldn't pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel. He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
A couple was having a discussion about what to see and do now that they were safely in Florida on their honeymoon. Trying to assert himself rite off the bat, he exploded, "If it weren't for my money, we wouldn't be here at all!" The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, not only would we not be in Florida, we wouldn't on a honeymoon, nor would there be any "we" in the first place."
A project manager, a computer programmer and a computer operator are driving down the road when the car they are in gets a flat tire. The three men try to solve the problem. The project manager said: "Let's catch a cab and in ten minutes we'll reach our destination." The computer programmer said: "We have here the driver's guide. I can easily replace the flat tire and continue our drive." The computer operator said: "First of all, let's turn off the engine and turn it on again. Maybe it will fix the problem." Suddenly a Microsoft software engineer passed by and said: "Try to close all windows, get off the car, and then get in and try again."
Being poor has its advantages. For example your keys are never in your other trousers.
An incompetent attorney can delay a trial for months or years. A competent attorney can delay one even longer.
A woman went to a doctor and said , doctor, I have a problem. every time I sneeze I have an orgasm. the doctor said, oh really, what have you been doing for it. The woman replied, snorting pepper.
An Iraqi goes to the bank to get his salary from a French Company. The Saudi manager of the bank asks him to sign on the back of the check. "That's humiliation," shouts the Iraqi, "why should the French sign on the front and I sign on the back. I want my money NOW!" The Saudi refuse to pay him and the Iraqi keeps shouting in the bank then the American high manager comes with a 5kg hammer and knocks the Iraqi on the head. After 5 minutes the Iraqi wakes up, signs the back of the check and gets his money. The Saudi clerk goes to the Iraqi and asks, "Tell me why you didn't sign the check the first time but signed it later on?" The Iraqi said, "You missed the point, you just told it to me, but the American explained it."
What is the difference between a man and a catfish? One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.