The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home.
As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman.
"What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" said the officer.
"I'm going to a lecture." the man said.
"And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked.
"My wife." said the man.
How do you know if your man is dead?
The sex is the same, but there's less ironing.
The T. Rexes were all angry.
You know why?
Because these huge muscular creatures with these big muscular legs and these tiny little hands!
How would you feel, 60 million years never being able to masturbate?
That is the real reason dinosaurs are extinct right there.
Q: Did you hear about the dead lawyer who was too big to fit in a coffin?
A: They gave him an enema and buried him in a shoebox.
Did you hear about the lawyer who was hurt in an accident?
The ambulance he was chasing stopped too suddenly.
Having lawyers make laws is like having doctors make diseases.
Man to lawyer: ‘If I give you £500, will you answer two questions?’
Lawyer: ‘Absolutely.
What’s the other question?’
What’s a foot long, transparent and lies in the gutter.
A lawyer once the crap’s been kicked out of him.
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road without looking both ways?
"Dead."
Why did the frog go to the mall?
Because he wanted to go hopping.