A stewardess approaches a passenger on a flight. ‘Would you care for an orange juice, sir?’ The passenger replies, ‘Sure, if it needed me.’
Being poor has its advantages. For example your keys are never in your other trousers.
Did you hear about the drunk who thought Alcoholics Anonymous meant drinking under an assumed name?
The Australian rugby team is being driven through Dublin. The driver shouts out, ‘And if you look to your left you’ll see we’re going past the biggest pub in the city.’ A voice from the back shouts, ‘Why?’
Our baby looks just like me. But that’s OK, as long as he’s healthy.
Q: What does XXX stand for in a porno film? A: It's the signature of the three blondes who "act" in it
Q. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? A. Breasts don't have eyes.
What do you get when you eat a prune pizza? Pizzeria!
What do you call an abortion in Czechslovakia? A cancelled Czech!
What's grosser than gross? Two Siamese twins connected at the tongue. What's even grosser than that? When one of them throws up.