Best jokes ever

What games do ants play with elephants? Squash!
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A blonde comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. ‘Yoo-hoo!’ she shouts. ‘How can I get to the other side?’ The other blonde looks around then shouts back, ‘You are on the other side!’
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On what should you mount a statue of your cat? A caterpillar!
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What's gray and powdery? Instant Elephant.
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Golfer: "Well, I have never played this badly before!" Caddy: "I didn't realize you had played before, sir!"
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They presented him with a cup when he was a boxer. It was to keep his teeth in.
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The other day was Take Your Daughter To Work day. The Cubs had a fun time, played a little scrimmage against their daughters. Unfortunately they lost, 15-3.
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A local policeman had just finished his shift one cold November evening and was at home with his wife. "You just won't believe what happened this evening , in all my years on the force I've never seen anything like it." "Oh yes dear, what happened ?" "I came across two guys down by the canal, one of them was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks." "Drinking battery acid and eating fireworks!! What did you do with them ?" "Oh that was easy, I charged one and let the other off."
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The stock market really plummeted today, but luckily there is a computer chip that is used to turn off the board if it gets too low. The Cubs have the same chip in there scoreboard.
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Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? A: His lips are moving
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