A lot of things have changed in my life since I got to know that my girlfriend got pregnant. My name, living address, phone number...
She was so blonde that she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
When President Roosevelt dropped the atomic bomb on Hiroshima, he did so only because it was more human then sending Chuck Norris.
Q: What do you get if you mix a rabbit and a snake? A: A jump rope!
Chuck Norris... Chuck Norris... Chuck Norris... Okay, I've finished my morning prayers.
Superman's weakness isn't kryptonite, it's obvious who it is...
What's a moo hoo for a stuffed steer? A full bull.
What do rabbits put in their computers? Hoppy disks.
Why did the dolphin feel crabby? Because he ate too many crabs.
Patient: "Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do?" Dentist: "Wear a brown tie..."