What do you call a dinosaur that destroys everything in its path?
Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.
What king of money do fishermen make?
Net profits!
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
Who knows? - It hasn't happened yet!!
What is the difference between a man and E.T.?
E.T. phoned home.
A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her, placed his hand up her skirt and began fondling her.
She jumped up and slapped him silly.
He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry.
I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her."
"Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable assh*le!" she screamed.
"Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."
Q: What do you call a 900-pound woman with a yeast infection?
A: A whopper with cheese.
Why can't Miss Piggy count to 100?
Because when she gets to 69 she has a frog in her throat.
I’ve got one those special filter programmes on my Internet access.
It’s really handy, it blocks out everything except porn sites.
Did you hear about Mike Tyson's horse?
It got angry and bit at the champ!
Aliens fear that Chuck Norris might abduct them.
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