It's legal to earn money playing hockey Many people play hockey even after they're married The puck's always hard The protective equipment is reusable It lasts at least an hour A two-on-one or a three-on-one is not uncommon You always know how big the stick is You can clean your stick in public without anyone minding You can change players on the fly You don't have to be embarrassed if you don't get the puck up Everyone is finished when the buzzer sounds Your parents cheer when you score Periods last only 20 minutes You're sure to get it at least twice a week You can tell your friends about it afterwards.
An old miser comes into the bank with a huge bag of coins. ‘Gracious,’ says the bank teller. ‘Did you hoard all that yourself?’ ‘No,’ replies the miser. ‘My sister whored most of it.’
Q: What is a thespian pony? A: A little horse play
A hippo once told me he hated gangs, but then he joined one What a HippoCrip.
Q: What is the difference between a puppy and a man? A: Eventually the puppy will grow up and stop whining.
A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, 'Hey, we have a drink named after you!' The grasshopper looks surprised and says, 'You have a drink named Steve?'
An incompetent attorney can delay a trial for months or years. A competent attorney can delay one even longer.
How do you save a man from drowning? Take your foot off his head.
Q: How do you drown a blond? A: Don't tell her to swallow.
It's the 7th game of the Stanley Cup Finals. At the beginning of the game, a guy sits down in his seat and notices an empty seat and another gentleman next to him. "Can you believe it?" the man says to the gentleman, "It's game 7 of the Stanley Cup finals and there is actually an empty seat! What's up with that I wonder!" The gentleman speaks up and says, "Well, you see the seat belonged to my wife. We went to the games together." "Where is your wife? The man asks cautiously. "She passed away," said the gentleman. "Oh, I'm sorry, you could not get anyone else to come to the game with you?" said the man. Said the gentleman with a slight smirk "No, they're all at the funeral."