Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour.
He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
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Chuck Norris, Mr T and Arnold Swieznigger died in a plane crash they got to heavens door way and god asked them what there business is. Arnold replied "I want to be your right hand man".
Mr T said "I wanna be your left hand man".
Chuck Norris said "get the fuck out of my chair".
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It is better to give than to receive.
This is especially true of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
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When Chuck Norris opens a bottle of coke happiness runs away screaming.
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Chuck Norris once won a staredown over a walkie talkie.
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Chuck Norris once kicked Hulk in the face, so Hulk ran into the woods.
He is now known as Shrek.
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Chuck Norris is the only person able beat a fish at holding his breath under water.
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Chuck Norris created the platypus by roundhouse kicking a duck at a beaver.
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When raining, Chuck Norris doesn't need an umbrella , he can dodge the rain drops.
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Walker Texas Ranger was actually a reality show.
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Chuck Norris won gold for sitting in the crowd at the olympics.
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