Chuck Norris doesn’t shave; he kicks himself in the face.
The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
Vote:
Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering?
The noise gave her a headache.
Change is hard. Have you ever tried to bend a coin?
A rather drunk man was walking along the street one day.
He was staggering quite a bit and made two nuns that were approaching him, very nervous.
The two nuns split apart and one walked to the man's left and one walked to the man's right.
After the nuns were past the man, he turned around and said, "Now how the hell did she do that?"
Yo mamma's so stupid she got trapped in a bathroom and wet her pants!
Q: How does Mike Tyson differ from Metallica?
A: Metallica leaves a ringing in your ears.
Tyson leaves your ear in a ring.
Alex was a sports fan whose face was always either buried in the sports pages or transfixed by the television screen.
One night as he lay in bed next to his wife watching a football game, she got up, walked across the room and unplugged the TV.
"Hey," Alex shouted, "what do you think you are doing?"
"I’m sick of sports, I’m sick of TV," she replied.
"You haven’t touched me in months.
We’re going to talk about sex right now!"
"OK, OK.
So," he asked after a moment, "how often do you think Brett Favre gets laid?"
Q: Did you hear Lorena Bobbitt was almost killed in a traffic accident?
A: Some dick cut her off.
Yo mama so bald, when she goes to bed, her head slips off the pillow.