Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering?
The noise gave her a headache.
Change is hard. Have you ever tried to bend a coin?
A rather drunk man was walking along the street one day.
He was staggering quite a bit and made two nuns that were approaching him, very nervous.
The two nuns split apart and one walked to the man's left and one walked to the man's right.
After the nuns were past the man, he turned around and said, "Now how the hell did she do that?"
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood.
Trying to make the matter clearer, he said:
“Now, students, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face.”
“Yes, sir,” the boys said.
“Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn’t run into my feet?”
A little fellow shouted, “‘It’s because yer feet ain’t empty.”
Yo mama so bald, when she goes to bed, her head slips off the pillow.
Little girl: "Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'"
Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken."
Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?"
Mother: "Because we need the eggs."
An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass.
The CO says "Are you crazy?
You just join the Israeli army, and you already want a 3-day pass?
You must do something spectacular for that recognition!"
So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank!
The CO was so impressed, he asked "How did you do it?"
"Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Arabs.
I approached the border, and saw an Arab tank.
I put my white flag up, the Arab tank put his white flag up.
I said to the Arab soldier, "Do you want to get a three-day pass? So we exchanged tanks!"
How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
11 - 10 to form a committee and 1 to get her boyfriend to do it...
What's the fastest thing in the world?
A beer truck driving through an Indian reserve.
What's the second fastest thing in the world?
The Indians running after it.
Originally it was called 'Chuck Norris Mode' but he decided to let god have that one because Chuck Norris is humble like that.
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