A woman was driving down the highway about 75 miles an hour, when she noticed a motorcycle policeman following her. Instead of slowing down, she picked up speed. When she looked back again, their were two motorcycles following her. She shot up to 90 miles. The next time she looked around, there were three cops following her. Suddenly, she spotted a gas station looming ahead. She screeched to a stop and ran into the lady's room. Ten minutes later, she innocently walked out. The three cops were standing their waiting for her. Without batting an eye, she said coyly, "I'll bet none of you thought I would make it."
Two rabbits are in a garden and one of the rabbits says, "Thith carrot tathes pithy." The other rabbit says, "Yes, I know, I just pithed on it."
Men are like.....Lawn Mowers. If you're not pushing one around, then you're riding it.
A drunk guy in Alaska decides to go ice fishing. He starts sawing a hole in the ice, when a loud booming voice says, "You will find no fish there." The drunk looks up, ignores it, and continues on. The voice booms again, "You will find no fish under the ice." The drunk looks up and says, "God, is that you?" The voice says, "No, I'm the manager of this ice rink."
Patty was sitting in her back yard digging a hole to bury her dead goldfish. Mrs. Johnson, who lived next door, was watching her over the fence. Mrs. Johnson said, "Patty, what are you doing?" Patty said, "I'm digging a hole to bury my dead goldfish." Mrs. Johnson said, "Patty, don't you think that hole is a little BIG for a goldfish?" Patty said, "No...it's inside your damn cat!"
The old mosquito puts the little baby’s to bed and tells them: If you are good, tomorrow I’m going to take you to the nudists.
What do you see when you look into a blonde’s eyes? The back of her head.
What’s blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette…? A blonde doing cartwheels.
How do you describe a blonde surrounded by drooling idiots? Flattered.
How do you determine a blonde’s IQ? With a tyre gauge.