Best jokes ever

A burglar breaks into a house and is quietly and expertly collecting valuables in his bag when he hears a voice: "Jesus is watching you."
Vote:
has 34.09 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: men
A blonde has sharp pains in her side. The doctor examines her and says, "You have acute appendicitis." The blonde says, "That's sweet, doc, but I came here to get medical help."
Vote:
has 34.09 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: blonde, doctor, medical, stupid
A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes. He is obviously drunk. So the bartender says to another man in the bar: "Why don't you be a good Samaritan and take him home." The man takes the drunk out the door and to his car and he stumbles at least ten times. They drive along and the drunk points out his house to the man. He stops the car and the drunk stumbles up the steps to his house with the man. The drunk's wife greets them at the door: "Why thank you for bringing him home for me, but where's his wheel chair?"
Vote:
has 34.09 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, car, drunk
A blond was taking a shower and her husband called in and asked "did you find the new dry hair shampoo I picked up for you?" And the blond replied "yes but there's a problem I already got my hair wet"
Vote:
has 34.09 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: blonde, husband
A man walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink. "Hey, nice tie!" comes out of nowhere. He looks up at the bartender to see if he had said anything, but since he was on the other side of the bar the man just ignores it. "Hey! Nice shirt!" The man looks up but, again, the bartender is engaged elsewhere. "Hey! Nice suit!" The man then calls the bartender over and asks him if he keeps talking to him. "It's not me, it's the complimentary peanuts."
Vote:
has 34.09 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit? The bucket.
Vote:
has 34.09 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
How did the blonde die drinking milk? The cow fell on her.
Vote:
has 34.09 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: blonde
Facebook wants to add Chuck Norris as a Friend.
Vote:
has 34.09 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, Facebook
Yo mama is fat, she got a triple-double chin.
Vote:
has 34.09 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: fat, insulting, Yo mama
Yo mama so stupid she stab her self with a shooting gun.
Vote:
has 34.09 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: stupid, Yo mama
<<<1269127012711272
More jokes →
Page 1269 of 1429.