2 people walk into a bar.
The third one ducked.
A policeman is driving along the road when he gets an urgent message on his radio telling him there has been a dead body found in an ice cream van just down the road.
He rushes to the scene where he discovers a man's body, with chocolate flakes up each nostril, raspberry sauce all over his head and he is covered from head to toe in hundreds of thousands of sprinkles.
A puzzled onlooker asks the policeman what he thinks has happened, to which the policeman replies: "It looks like he's topped himself."
Why do men like love at first sight?
It saves them a lot of time.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to plaster a wall?
A: It depends how hard you throw them.
Law of Cat Disinterest
A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.
Q. What's the difference between men and government bonds?
A. Bonds mature.
A guy was going to Texas and when he went on the train he said, "Ohh my god Texas chairs are really big."
He went to a bar he asked for a bear and when the bar tender gave him the mug of bear the guy said, "Wooww Texas mugs are really big."
Later he asked the bar tender were is the bathroom and the bar tender said, "Strait on your right."
But the guy went on his left and when he entered the room he slipped and feel in the swimming pool and said, "Don't flush don't flush!"
Q: Where did the newlywed horses stay?
A: In the bridle suite.
A blonde girl walks in the street and sees a banana peel.
Sad she was, thinking...damn I will stumble again...!
How do girls get minks?
The same way minks get minks.