How do you change a blonde’s mind?
Blow in her ear.
My grandfather came from a very poor family.
The only time he tasted meat was when he bit his tongue.
How do you make a blonde’s eyes sparkle?
Shine a torch into her ear.
We were so poor we couldn’t get rid of the roaches in our house because they paid half the rent.
There will always be death and taxes.
However, death doesn’t get worse every year.
Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
Because it said concentrate.
Liquor may be a slow poison, but who’s in a hurry?
Q. What's the difference between men and government bonds?
A. Bonds mature.
Johnny collected lots of money from trick or treating and he went to the candy store to buy some chocolate. ' You should give that money to charity,' said the shopkeeper.
'No, I'll buy the chocolate. You give the money to charity!'
A guy was going to Texas and when he went on the train he said, "Ohh my god Texas chairs are really big."
He went to a bar he asked for a bear and when the bar tender gave him the mug of bear the guy said, "Wooww Texas mugs are really big."
Later he asked the bar tender were is the bathroom and the bar tender said, "Strait on your right."
But the guy went on his left and when he entered the room he slipped and feel in the swimming pool and said, "Don't flush don't flush!"