The old mosquito puts the little baby’s to bed and tells them:
If you are good, tomorrow I’m going to take you to the nudists.
Two alpinists on a mountain:
One of them falls in a crack, the other jumps at the hole and screams after the other one:
Are you hurt?
Noooooo! He hears.
How come?
I’m still fallinnnnnnn!
A man walks into a bar and orders a beer then looks into his pocket.
He does this over and over again.
Finally, the bartender asks why he orders a beer and after drinking it he looks into his pocket.
The man responded, " I have a picture of my wife in there and when she starts to look good then i'll go home."
Three vampires went into a bar and sat down.
The barmaid came over to take their orders.
"And what would you, er, gentlemen like tonight?"
The first vampire said, "I'll have a mug of blood."
The second vampire said, "I'll have a mug of blood."
The third vampire shook his head at his companions and said, "I will have a glass of plasma."
The barmaid wrote down each order, went to the bar and called to the bartender, "Two bloods and a blood light."
A man walks into a bar has a few drinks and asks what his tab was.
The bartender replies that it is twenty dollars plus tip.
The guy says, "I'll bet you my tab double or nothing that I can bite my eye."
The bartender accepts the bet, and the guy pulls out his glass eye and bites it.
He has a few more drinks and asks for his bill again.
The bartender reports that his bill now is thirty dollars plus tip.
He bets the bartender he can bite his other eye.
The bartender accepts knowing the man can't possibly have two glass eyes.
The guy then proceeds by taking out his false teeth and biting his other eye.
Q: Why are tigers religious?
A: Because they prey frequently, and prey as a family!
A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman.
She looks the man up and down and says, "I've got news for you.
You're going straight to hell!"
The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Man, I'm on the wrong bus!"
A guy was going to Texas and when he went on the train he said, "Ohh my god Texas chairs are really big."
He went to a bar he asked for a bear and when the bar tender gave him the mug of bear the guy said, "Wooww Texas mugs are really big."
Later he asked the bar tender were is the bathroom and the bar tender said, "Strait on your right."
But the guy went on his left and when he entered the room he slipped and feel in the swimming pool and said, "Don't flush don't flush!"
Q: Where did the newlywed horses stay?
A: In the bridle suite.
A blonde girl walks in the street and sees a banana peel.
Sad she was, thinking...damn I will stumble again...!