Best jokes ever

Insurance never covers you against damage sustained by Chuck Norris, as it's classed as an Act of God!

Chuck Norris once round house kicked a fat kid in the stomach and his foot print stayed their until the kid lost the weight.

Two old ladies are in a restaurant. One complains, "You know, the food here is just terrible." The other shakes her head and adds, "And such small portions."

There once was two people Lisa and Brian They got married and had a child. The only problem was that the child was only a head, he had no arms, legs or torso. So all his life he was picked on and teased and he always wished he had a body. So when he turned 21 his dad took him to a bar and let him have his first beer ever. When he drank a whole bottle an arm popped out. When he drank more bottles more body parts popped out. After drinking many beers he finally had a whole body. As they left the bar, he was very drunk and was hit by a bus and he died. The moral of the story "Quit while you're a head."

Where is the best place to hide a nigger's food stamps? Under his work boots.

Q: How do you know if you have a asian neighbour? A: They have been reported in over 10 car accidents on the news, their car has scratches, their on P's and they park one car on their driveway which is meant for to cars, and they park their second car in front of your house.

What’s sicker than driving over a baby? Skidding.

Q: What do you call an African American documentary? A: Planet of the Apes.

Yo mommas so black that when she walked outside the street lights turned on.

In South Africa a nigger was walking with a parrot on his shoulder and on his way he meets with a white guy. He is so cute! Does he speak? Asks the white guy. I don’t know I just bought him! Says the parrot.