Sign over a pub bar: ‘Due to the recent water shortage, beer will now be served at full strength.’
My cat can talk.
I asked her what two minus two was and she said nothing.
A Bosnian catches a goldfish.
The goldfish says: "Let me go and I will grant you one wish."
The Bosnian says: "No way, I'll take you to the pawn shop – gold is gold."
Q: What do you get when you mix English class with alcohol?
A: Tequila Mockingbird
How many cop jokes are there?
Just two, all the rest are true!
Q: How many lawyers does it take to build a wall?
A: Depends on how deep you stack them.
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!", the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
What would you do if a Blonde threw a hand grenade right at you?
"Just pull the pin and throw it back."
Q. Why can't a blonde get a drivers license?
A. Because every time the instructor says "Let's park" she jumps in the back seat.
How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
11, 10 to form a committee and 1 to get her boyfriend to do it..