There was this kid who wanted to divorce his parents, so he takes them to court.
The judge says, "do you want to live with your dad?" the kid says "no!
he beats me!".
The judge says,"you want to live with your mom?" "no! she beats me too!".
So the judge says, "who do you want to live with then?"
The kid says, "The Cleveland Browns...they can't beat anybody!"
Why don't women blink during foreplay?
They don't have time.
How did the blonde die icefishing?
She got run over by the zamboni!
Hey babe, can I get into your penalty box?
High five!
While giving a physical, a doctor notices that his patient’s shins are covered in dark, savage bruises.
‘Tell me,’ says the doctor.
‘Do you play hockey or soccer?’
‘No,’ said the man. ‘But my wife and I play bridge.’
What’s the difference between your wage packet and your trouser packet?
You don’t have to beg a woman to blow your wage packet.
I’ve got nothing against watching a darts match.
I just wish my IQ were low enough to enjoy it.
‘Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in?
I think that’s how dogs spend their lives.’
Sue Murphy
What did the trampolinist say?
‘Life has its ups and downs, but I always bounce back.’
Tennis
He was so poor all he had to wear as a boy were hand-me-downs.
The real shame was that he had five older sisters.