The Dove Bar's like an 80-pound wad of chocolate on a toothpick.
If you're not careful when you take it out of the package, you'll snap your wrists.
Q: What do you do when you see a black man with half a face?
A: Stop laughing and reload.
Vote:
Did you hear the one about the cannibal who passed his brother in the jungle the other day?
If Chuck Norris ever opened a restaurant, the only thing on the menu would be knuckle sandwiches and eye of roundhouse steaks.
Vote:
Why do jocks play on artificial turf?
To keep them from grazing.
What's gray and powdery?
Instant Elephant.
Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their jobs.
One guy says, ''I'm a YUPPIE...ya know...Young, Urban, Professional.
The second guy says, ''I'm a DINK ...ya know...Double Income No Kids.''
They asked the woman, ''What are you?''
She replied... ''I'm a WIFE...ya know... WASH, IRON, FUCK, ETC.''
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mail box.
She opened it, slammed it shut, and stormed back in the house.
A little later she came out of her house and again went to the mail box and again opened it, then slammed it shut again.
Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”
To which she replied, “There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying, “YOU’VE GOT MAIL!”
How do you know if a man is lying?
His lips are moving!
Q: What's gray on the inside and clear on the outside?
A: An elephant in a plastic bag.