Chuck Norris doesn't need twitter, he's already following you.
Somebody said that Chuck sucks, since then their severed head with many foot marks have been found...
When somebody else yawns, Chuck Norris does not.
A blonde woman is walking down the street, with her blouse open. A cop is approaching from about a block away, thinking, "Boy, my eyes must be going, it looks like that woman's right boob is hanging out." As he gets closer it becomes apparent that it "IS" hanging out. When he gets face to face with her he says, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?" She says, "Why, officer?" "Well, your boob is hanging out." She looks down and says "OMIGOD, I left the baby on the bus!"
What's an octopuses favourite latin saying? Squid pro quo.
Q: You know the Roman Empire, well how do you think it fell? A: Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris can win a game of scrabble using only numbers.
Wanna know how Chuck Norris grew his beard? He didn't, his beard grew him.
Yo momma's so fat when she hauls ass she has to make 2 trips.
Lehman Brothers owed Chuck Norris a fiver. When he asked for payback, well, you know the rest.