A lawyer trying to get tickets to a Broadway show, finally settled for a couple of seats a year in advance.
When the exciting night arrived and he sat down in his seat, a woman in front of the lawyer noticed the empty seat next to him and asked why such a valuable commodity was unused.
The lawyer replied that his wife couldn't make it.
The woman asked him if he didn't have relatives or friends who could have used the seat.
He replied, "Oh, they're all at the funeral."
Show me a man with a nub for an index finger, and I'll show you a man that asked Chuck Norris to "Pull my Finger"
Vote:
Man to a woman: "Do you know the difference between a blowjob and a cheeseburger is?"
Woman: "No."
Man: "Lets have lunch sometime…"
Have you heard of the new Obama happy meal at Mcdonalds?
It comes with a promise that you'll get a toy someday.
If you make a list of 10 things Chuck Norris cannot do, he will appear at your house and perform them all.
Your life may be forfeit.
Vote:
My great grandson's class were asked to make a mothers day card for their mothers.
On mothers day he presented this beautiful hand made a card to his mum...
Hearts and kisses and wishing her Happy Mums Day on opening the card printed in bold letters was "DADS THE BEST"...
Needless to say, his mum still loves him.
What did the red light say to the green light?
Don't look I'm changing!
Two deer walk out of a gay bar, one turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew twenty bucks in there..."
Q: What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?
A: If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
Vote:
Yo mama so fat she was in a parallel universe.