Best jokes ever

Signs You're No Longer in College... You no longer know what time fast food drive-thru windows close. Your potted plants stay alive. You pay at least a dollar more than the minimum payment on your credit card bill. Your friends' hook-ups and break-ups are now marriages and divorces. You attend parties that the police don't raid. You're not expected to leave the room when the adults are talking. You refer to college students as "those kids." You drink wine, scotch and martinis instead of just beer, beer and beer. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of leftover pizza. At 6 a.m., you're putting your contact lens in instead of taking them out. Naps are no longer weekday options. Dating involves dinner and a movie, not keggers and Ecstasy. Grocery lists contain more than toilet paper and potato chips. You leave parties because you have a busy day tomorrow, not because the EMS guy has strapped you down.
Vote:
has 59.83 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: college, divorce, food, marriage, money
What kind of doctor fixes broken websites? A URLologist.
Vote:
has 59.83 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: doctor, geek, internet, IT, technology
Never hold in a fart; that's something an asshole would do.
Vote:
has 59.83 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, fart
Chuck Norris can power solar panels. At Night.
Vote:
has 59.83 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Remember my name, because you'll be screaming it later!
Vote:
has 59.83 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: dirty, flirt, memory, sex, time
Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are in divorce court. "Mickey," the judge says, "I'm sorry. I can't grant you a divorce on the grounds of insanity. Minnie seems quite sane to me." "I didn't say she was insane," exclaims Mickey. "I said she was f**king Goofy."
Vote:
has 59.83 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: animal, celebrity, divorce, marriage
Yo momma is so hairy when she lifts her armpit up it looks like she's got Bigfoot in a headlock.
Vote:
has 59.80 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: animal, insulting, ugly, Yo mama
Which runs faster, hot or cold? Hot. Everyone can catch cold.
Vote:
has 59.80 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: life
A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says ''Sorry we don't serve food in here''
Vote:
has 59.80 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: life
Redbull doesn't give you wings. Lat pulldowns do.
Vote:
has 59.80 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: fitness, gym
<<<643644645646
More jokes →
Page 643 of 1426.