Question: What’s the difference between your paycheck and your penis?
Answer: You don’t have to beg a woman to blow your paycheck.
You know you're getting old when Santa starts looking younger.
Chuck Norris is so hot he makes the sun sweat.
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What do cows do for entertainment?
They go to the mooooovies.
"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing.
Except at a funeral.
Yo mama's so ugly that slender-man ran from her.
She's also the reason why slender-man doesn't have eyes.
Take a squirt gun into the rest room stall next to someone and shoot little drops over the wall every couple of seconds while pretending to pee.
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An elephant goes to a camel and says why have you got a pair of tits on your back, the camel then replies that's a funny question coming from someone with a dick on their face.
I know an archaeologist who can tell you what period a tampon was from.
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Yo mama so old, she walked into a museum and found her ex.
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