Best jokes ever

‘A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.’ Bob Hope
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: money
Two drunks are sitting side by side in a bar. One of the drunks goes to the bathroom but neglects to button up his fly when he’s finished. He staggers back to the bar, sits on a bar stool, and his penis flops out on the bartop. The other drunk yells, ‘Snake!’ and hits the penis with a bottle. The first drunk shouts, ‘Hit it again! It just bit me!’
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Why did the blonde go to KFC? She heard she could get a pair of breasts for $1.99.
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: blonde
How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to change it, and two to complain about how bad GE's customer support is.
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: IT
Three paramedics were boasting about improvements in their respective ambulance team’s response times. “Since we installed our new satellite navigation system,” bragged one, “we’ve cut our emergency response time by ten percent.” “Not bad,” the second paramedic commented. “But by using a computer model of traffic patterns, we we cut our average time by 20 percent.” “That’s nothing said the third paramedic. “Since our ambulance driver passed the bar exam, we’ve cut our emergency response time in half!”
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A man fell out of a tenth-story window. He's lying on the ground with a big crowd around him. A cop walks over and says, "What happened?" The guy says, "I don't know, I just got here."
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: cop
DEPT OF STATISTICS: All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve. DEPT OF PSYCHOLOGY: Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them in. The professor opens the books and assigns the first grade that comes to mind. DEPT OF HISTORY: All students get the same grade they got last year. DEPT OF RELIGION: Grade is determined by God. DEPT OF PHILOSOPHY: What is a grade? LAW SCHOOL: Students are asked to defend their position of why they should receive an A. DEPT OF MATHEMATICS: Grades are variable. DEPT OF LOGIC: If and only if the student is present for the final and the student has accumulated a passing grade then the student will receive an A else the student will not receive an A. DEPT OF COMPUTER SCIENCE: Random number generator determines grade. MUSIC DEPARTMENT: Each student must figure out his grade by listening to the instructor play the corresponding note (+ and - would be sharp and flat respectively). DEPT OF PHYSICAL EDUCATION: Everybody gets an A.
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has 58.68 % from 75 votes. More jokes about: history, math, religious, school
Chuck Norris made a statue bleed.
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has 58.68 % from 75 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Q: What is the difference between a dogs ass and liberals? A: Nancy Pelosi won't kiss a dogs ass!
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has 58.68 % from 75 votes. More jokes about: democrat, dog, political, vulgar
Yo moma so fat she jumped off the Grand Canon and got stuck.
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has 58.67 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: fat, geography, insulting, Yo mama
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