Q: Whats worse then finding a worm in your apple? A: Finding half a worm."
Q: What kind of music do elves like best? A: "Wrap" music!
Q: Why did the blonde take more than one pregnancy test? A: Because she slept with more than one guy.
Chuck Norris can light ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At Night.
Yo' Mama so fat, I can stand on her belly and high-five God.
I've spent the past two years looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer... but no one will do it.
Q: Why was the blonde jogging backwards? A: She wanted to gain weight!
Question: What’s the ideal breakfast setting? Answer: You’re sitting at the kitchen table and your son is on the cover of the Wheaties box, your mistress is on the cover of Playboy, and your wife is on the back of a milk carton.
A sexy woman walks up to the counter and motions the bartender over. She starts to run her fingers through his hair and asks to speak to the manager. The Bartender replies, "Sorry, the manager is out. Can I help you?" By this time the woman has run her fingers over his face and in his mouth where the horny bartender is gently sucking on them. She says, "You sure he isn’t here?" The bartender mumbles through her fingers, "Yes, he’s out for another 2 hours. Are you sure there is nothing I can do to help?" The woman then says, "Oh, I only wanted to tell him there’s no toilet paper or soap in the ladies toilets!"
1 woman and 9 men shipwreck on a deserted island. After one week, the woman, disgusted by the things she was doing, kills herself. After another week, the men, disgusted by the things they were doing, buried her. After another week, the men, more disgusted by the things they were doing, dug her up.