Take a squirt gun into the rest room stall next to someone and shoot little drops over the wall every couple of seconds while pretending to pee.
"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
An elephant goes to a camel and says why have you got a pair of tits on your back, the camel then replies that's a funny question coming from someone with a dick on their face.
Yo Mama is so black, when she leans up against a white wall she looks like an alley.
Slept like a log last night........ Woke up in the fireplace.
When Chuck Norris burns calories, he uses a flamethrower.
Q: How many Apple Iphone 6 early adopters does it take to change a light bulb? A: 3001. 1 to do the work and 3000 to go online and bitch about the lack of obscure features!
Why does Chuck Norris have a beard? A better question is what will he do to you if you ask him?
Q: Why did the blonde girl stare at the orange juice box? A: The orange juice box says, "concentrate."
Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.