"Did you hear about the farmer who lost control of his tractor in the cow pasture?"
"No."
"Did he hurt the cows?"
"No, he just grazed them."
What happens when the cows refuse to be milked?
Udder chaos.
If Chuck Norris fights with himself, it's a win-win situation.
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Q: What do lipstick and mascara do when they get in a fight?
A: They make up.
Man, to friend, ‘A thief has stolen my wife’s credit card.
Last month he ran up a bill of over a thousand pounds.’
‘That’s terrible,’ says the friend.
‘You should report this thief to the police.’
‘I would,’ says the man.
‘But at the moment he’s spending less than my wife does.’
‘A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.’
Bob Hope
Two drunks are sitting side by side in a bar.
One of the drunks goes to the bathroom but neglects to button up his fly when he’s finished.
He staggers back to the bar, sits on a bar stool, and his penis flops out on the bartop.
The other drunk yells, ‘Snake!’ and hits the penis with a bottle.
The first drunk shouts, ‘Hit it again!
It just bit me!’
Why did the blonde go to KFC?
She heard she could get a pair of breasts for $1.99.
How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb?
Three.
One to change it, and two to complain about how bad GE's customer support is.
What's the best thing about a Siamese twin baby?
Threesomes.
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