I hear you take milk baths.
That's right.
Why?
I can't find a cow tall enough for a shower.
"Did you hear about the farmer who lost control of his tractor in the cow pasture?"
"No."
"Did he hurt the cows?"
"No, he just grazed them."
What happens when the cows refuse to be milked?
Udder chaos.
If Chuck Norris fights with himself, it's a win-win situation.
Vote:
What's the best thing about a Siamese twin baby?
Threesomes.
Vote:
-How is Ruth?
-Not sure. I broke up with her last month.
-Oh no. You're so Ruthless.
-And how long have you been waiting to use that?
-I'd rather not say.
A blonde takes her typewriter to the doctor.
"Doc, I'm afraid my typewriter is pregnant."
The doctor asks, "Why in the world would you think that?"
She says, "Because it's started missing its period."
Man, to friend, ‘A thief has stolen my wife’s credit card.
Last month he ran up a bill of over a thousand pounds.’
‘That’s terrible,’ says the friend.
‘You should report this thief to the police.’
‘I would,’ says the man.
‘But at the moment he’s spending less than my wife does.’
‘A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.’
Bob Hope
Two drunks are sitting side by side in a bar.
One of the drunks goes to the bathroom but neglects to button up his fly when he’s finished.
He staggers back to the bar, sits on a bar stool, and his penis flops out on the bartop.
The other drunk yells, ‘Snake!’ and hits the penis with a bottle.
The first drunk shouts, ‘Hit it again!
It just bit me!’