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Chuck Norris is the reason terrorists hide in caves.
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What has 2 grey legs and 2 brown legs? An elephant with diarrhea.
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More jokes about: animal, elephant, health
Q: What's blue and doesn't fit? A: A dead epileptic.
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More jokes about: black humor, death
Q: What do Captain Kirk and toilet paper have in common? A: They both wipe out klingons.
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A man is in court. The Judges says,"on the 3rd August you are accused of killing your wife by beating her to death with a hammer, how do you plead?" "Guilty", said the man in the dock. At this point a man at the back of the court stood up and shouted "You dirty rat!" The Judge asked the man to site down and to refrain from making any noise. The Judge continued "..... and that also on the 17th September you are accused of killing your son by beating him to death with a hammer, how do you plead"? "Guilty", said the man in the dock. Again the same man at the back stood up and shouted even louder, "You dirty rotten stinking rat"!! At this point the Judge called the man to the bench and said, "I have already asked you to be quiet, if you continue with these outbursts, I will have to charge you with contempt of court. I can understand your feelings, but what relationship have you to this man?" He replied "He is my next door neighbor". The Judge replied, "I can understand your feelings then, but you must refrain from any comments". The man replied "NO, your Honor, you don't understand. Twice I have asked if I could borrow a hammer, and BOTH TIMES he said he didn't have one"!!!
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Q: Why did the blonde have trouble in the ladies' room? A: She is not used to pulling her own pants down.
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What did the bee say to the flower? "Hi, honey."
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An unfailingly polite lady called to ask for help with a Windows installation that had gone terribly wrong. Customer: "I brought my Windows disks from work to install them on my home computer." Training stresses that we are "not the Software Police," so I let the little act of piracy slide. Tech Support: "Umm-hmm. What happened?" Customer: "As I put each disk in it turns out they weren't initialized." Tech Support: "Do you remember the message exactly, ma'am?" Customer: (proudly) "I wrote it down. 'This is not a Macintosh disk. Would you like to initialize it?'" Tech Support: "Er, what happened next?" Customer: "After they were initialized, all the disks appeared to be blank. And now I brought them back to work, and I can't read them in the A: drive; the PC wants to format them. And this is our only set of Windows disks for the whole office. Did I do something wrong?"
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Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it's the only love they get.
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More jokes about: black humor, love, sport
Q: What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? A: One's a Goodyear. The other's a great year.
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More jokes about: dirty, sex, time, vulgar