What's worse than sucking a dozen raw oysters out of your grandmother's vagina? Putting in twelve and sucking out thirteen.
It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
When customs finds something in your butt, how do you act surprised?
Yo mamma's so fat when she falls off a hill people call avalach.
What do you call a penguin in the desert? Lost!
Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is working? A: Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No.
Q: What is a blonde's definition of a naval destroyer? A: A hula hoop with a nail in it.
When Chuck Norris watches TV it changes the channel for him when he asks just out of fear.
A young, innocent couple goes on their honeymoon. They get naked and jump into bed, but neither knows what to do. Eventually, they decide to rub their noses together. After awhile, they decide to rub their toes together. Finally, they begin to rub their hips together. Suddenly, the man jumps up and runs to the bathroom. After several minutes, he returns to the bedroom, looking scared. "What happened?" asks his bride. "I don't know," he replies, "but something curdled my urine!"
Q: Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days? A: Because then the children have to play inside.