Best jokes ever

After years of scrimping and saving, a husband told his wife the good news: “Honey, we’ve finally saved enough money to buy what we started saving for in 1979.” “You mean a brand-new Cadillac?” she asked eagerly. “No,” said the husband, “a 1979 Cadillac.
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has 53.18 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: car, husband, old people, wife
Chuck Norris CAN read Lady Gaga's poker face.
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has 53.18 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris doesn't have an Ipod, he has an Ifist.
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has 53.18 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
"Isn't the principal a dummy!" said a boy to a girl. "Say, do you know who I am?" asked the girl. "No." "I'm the principal's daughter." "And do you know who I am?" asked the boy. "No," she replied. "Thank goodness!"
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has 53.18 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: school
How do you sink a submarine full of blondes? Knock on the door.
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has 53.18 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: blonde
A client of a hospital where they made brain transplantations asked about the prices. The doctor said, "Well, this Ph.D. brain costs $10,000. This brain belonged to a NASA top scientist and costs $15,000. Here we have a policeman's brain as well. It costs $50,000." The client asked, "What? How's that possible?" The doctor replied, "You see, it's totally unused."
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has 53.18 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: cop
A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer. The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and asked, "How do you handle the situation when you are asked for advice during a social function?" "Just send an account for such advice" replied the lawyer. On the next morning the doctor arrived at his surgery and issued the ulcer-stricken man a $50 account. That afternoon he received a $100 account from the lawyer.
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has 53.18 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: doctor, lawyer, medical, money, party
A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?" "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise." "That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?' "Twenty-six," he said.
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has 53.18 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: age, alcohol, life, old people
A student to his teacher: "I haven't got no pencil." Teacher, correcting him: "You don't have any pencil. He doesn't have any pencils. We don't have any pencils." Student, with a look of astonishment: "Where have all the pencils gone?"
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has 53.18 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: school, student, teacher
What would you hear at a cow concert? Moo-sic!
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has 53.18 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal, music
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